Wednesday, November 11, 2009

why I do "this"? okay, yet why...?

If my officemates are reading this... thank you hahaha!

Many argue or wonder why I bother being a Sys Ad, and oftentimes than not I cannot give them one consistent answer or any for that matter. This doesn't mean that there was not a choice, nor because of a liking... that I was not certain, probably until after a few minutes ago.

One of our dogs at the house have 5 offsprings. It has been more than 10 days since birth, but one of which might not make it because up til now, she doesn't bother getting milk. My mom and sister have been trying to bottle-feed her but to only a few drops or so if lucky.

As I watch, that litter somewhat struggling to live, knowing very well that no matter how much effort you put into it, trying to fix the problem doesn't guarantee that it will get better after. If everything else fails, you are left to just wonder and be helpless to look at the worse-case scenario. I actually do not like that feeling of helplessness. If you know that you can still make a difference and try to fix it... you can, you will, and you should try everything that you can throw into it until you basically have to simply give up.

Add to the fact that if you encounter problems, you fix it and afterwards you learn from it... and this in turn helps you grow, in experience and knowledge, that can help you solve other more challenging problems that might stumble upon you in the future. In my case however, I did not wished to stumble upon so many problems all throughout my life. All of those experiences taught me so much, but also tore me apart to fine shreds. Fixing things... my PC, gadgets, personal belongings, lampshade, TV, phone... then also went overboard, sometimes helping also my friends with those kinds of issues... to then came to the point that I have to fix my life.

It is not always fixing stuff that makes my world turn around; putting something up, something new, or improving something, also comes by. Once in a while, I think of stuff to keep me busy, keep me interested, and afterwhich rewards me in appreciating something I made.

So basically, right now... I chose to be a Sys Ad... probably because I am already accustomed to that nature of always being thrown in a bucket of problems, and figuring out how to keep yourself alive and afloat while at the same time bailing out water little by little, and plugging off leaks that prevents you from keeping afloat.

Okay, now I answered that small question upfront... now the only thing that is seriously bothering me is... why can't I solve my own problems in life? My own issues that plagues my very existence. Even if I am resorting to use industrial grade cables to help me to pull myself up, it just isn't enough. Seeking help from others might just work, question is... who's willing to put up on some extra load in which you can't convince everyone to do charity or gain something from helping you. I guess that's where the lack of experience, maturity, and growth shows up... sadly, isn't so many years of crap just wasn't enough and maybe more crap to come. I'm afraid that is the case... just hope I still have the will and power to pull of a hat-trick.